‘Birdnesting,’ where the kids stay home and parents shuttle back and forth, can work under the right circumstances.
When Kathleen Brigham and her then-husband, Jim, decided to divorce, she proposed an unconventional living arrangement: Instead of shuttling their three children back and forth between homes every few days, they would let the kids stay put. The parents would take turns living with them.
Brigham and Jim drew up an informal custody agreement for the children, who were ages 4, 9 and 12 at the time. Most days, she stayed with them in their New York City apartment, while he lived in a smaller place within walking distance. After work on Wednesdays, he came over and she went to stay at a friend’s empty apartment or with family. They each got a weekend day alone with the kids. Then they shared a meal together on Sunday nights.
“It was really about the three kids and not about us,” Brigham said. “I was just trying to find any way I could soften the blow.”
The arrangement, commonly known as “birdnesting,” aims to reduce disruption in children’s lives while their parents are going through a split. Although divorce rates have declined in recent decades, there are still plenty of couples calling it quits. In 2023, more than 1.3 million Americans ended a marriage, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics.
Read in the Washington Post.
